GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My vagina is very pro this idea
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