You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
