I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
