This is not my ceiling
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
