There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
