If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
