hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
