I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
