Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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