U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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