3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
