In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
