Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
