He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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