So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I enjoy the company of your penis
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
