Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
