I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
