I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
