I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Duck Duck Cougar?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
