Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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