So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
