Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
