i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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