Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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