Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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