Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You were trust falling into bushes
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
