i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
