Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
