There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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