his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my shit smells like andre
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
