it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
