I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she looked like the before picture.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
