he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
