Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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