i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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