The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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