Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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