I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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