bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
