so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
