it was like eating out sand paper
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
whose parrot is this?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
