Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
