But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
