I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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