Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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