You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
