Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
