i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
