your thong is hanging out like whoa
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
