i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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