I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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