i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
