When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
