This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
