idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
