you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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